Why is it that some of the most simple things the people we love do can seem so terrible?
Love is a deep mystery but it is one worth wondering about to begin unmasking its role in our lives. Lets start with the term “falling in love.” It shows that love is not a controlled act, it is a messy, surrendering, fragile, willingness to experience something new.
We love someone because they offer us something we feel is new, something we don’t have. There is a mystery in them and we are dying to understand it. By opening up to them through love, we create an opportunity to learn from them and gain whatever it is we felt was missing.
Love is more than just a beautiful part of life, it is an incredible learning tool. It is us opening up and surrendering to something. Through love, we break down our walls so that we can accept more of life in. The painful part is the walls tend to be parts of life we resist, and think are bad. Pushing hard on things we resist until we accept them as okay, while rewarding, is one of the more challenging things we can do emotionally. It is a simple, yet not necessarily fun way to get more out of life.
One strategy that I’ve found useful is realizing that love and a relationship are not the same thing. Having a healthy relationship as far as societal stability and sanity goes, might mean having to limit love. By exercising boundaries, we can still accept more of life but at a pace we can tolerate. It also gives us more time to feel like our partner is magical. The faster we learn and accept the parts of life that first attracted us to them, the faster we are less hungry for them in those ways. While that is a change it isn’t as bad as it sounds, as there are new values to replace the old ones. For example, we feel more close, more like partners, and we can take on new adventures together.
I think a wonderful life strategy is to look to fall in love with everything. It is an intense yet understandable way to get the richest experience out of life. It’s not a popular path because it involves so much self change and reflection, but if we go through that we have so much more capacity to enjoy life.
Love isn’t always easy, but difficulty can sometimes be good. When people exercise, they create stress and conflict that they can grow from. The same attitude can be useful with unplanned conflicts.
In difficult situations, we can decide if we want to use that moment to help us grow, or we can choose that enough is enough for the time being and establish boundaries. It is really up to the individual as to what lifestyle they prefer at the time. I think we play with it, we become willing to love, to fail, to get messy, curious, and creative. From there, we learn as best we can, while remembering to enjoy life! Love may always be shrouded in some mystery, but in the least we can see its power as a tool to help us live!
Matt works as a martial arts teacher, security consultant, and spirituality coach. He also volunteers as a remote viewer for missing person’s cases. He enjoys blending spiritual fields with physical work to give depth and realness to both. He values fun, and teaching skills that help others enrich their lives in the ways they want.
**Image Credit: http://www.elenakalisphoto.com