I have been growing and shrinking. Need me to elaborate?
I have had such an incredible amount of self and spiritual growth. I have had the opportunity to read a tonne of life-changing books, connect with like-minded people, reconnect with soul sisters and so much more! Self-love, compassion and respect is transforming my life.
I am learning to set and enforce necessary boundaries; something I didn’t even know the meaning of a few months ago. You see, I am the youngest in my immediate family of six, plus my extended (and gigantic) family. For my entire life I have felt that I was always less, because I was younger and less experienced, and less smart. I felt that I had to wait for it to be my time, that everyone was just having theirs, and soon it would be my time. But it never came. Other people’s priorities, issues and desires always came above my own. For a very long time I thought that it was okay; that I was such a tough warrior who didn’t need help, support or a shoulder to cry on. As you can imagine, I was in such epic denial that it took me twenty years to realise that hey, you know what, I do matter.
I matter just as much as my siblings, as my friends, as the bloody queen for goodness sake! We are all the leading ladies (and gents) of our own lives, but in most cases people won’t start seeing this until you do yourself. It was no fault of anyone’s, because how on Earth could I expect people to treat me the way I deserved, until I truly believed and recognised my own worth. I was so busy being consumed by my loved ones issues that I was neglecting my own. Because that was the role I had taken on as the youngest. I was the fixer. I would try to control and fix every person, situation and issue in my loved ones lives because that was the only way I felt that I could be of use. And yet five months ago, after a life time of this, I became so exhausted I found to hard to breathe. And that in itself is what saved me from the dark path I was on; breath.
I stumbled across a TezTalks video where I was reminded that happiness is always a choice. I just knew that I had to start choosing it for myself. And so the journey of self-love began. I learned about the power of thoughts and the conscious way we can change them to work for us. I learned how to meditate and its importance in life. I learned how to be actually be present in everything I do. I learned how to really nurture my body, mind and spirit. I learned how to look at myself in the mirror and say “you are incredible, and I love, respect and cherish you”.
And you know what? I am still learning, and I will continue learning until the day I leave this beautiful place called Earth. I can feel the shift that has happened within me, and I am so proud of how far I have come. I know that I will never go back because I now understand how I cannot only feel, but I know how to do it. This is not to say that struggle is a thing of the past, because in many ways I still ‘struggle’. I struggle to be patient with my parents, I struggle to relinquish control, I struggle to accept that I cannot change people, only love them. But I do not like to call it struggling, I prefer the term growing. Because that is what it is, what I am constantly doing, and what I will continue to do. It is a journey of sunshine, rainbows and the occasional thunder storms, but you know what? Just like the ocean, life is always beautiful, no matter whether it is calm or rough.
Oh, and the shrinking part? Well that would be in reference to my weight. You see, nearly seven weeks ago I quit refined sugars, and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Since I started to really nurture and cherish myself, the desire to fill my body with whole and healthy foods has increased through the roof. I have seen some amazing docos, read some eye-opening books and learned to create the most delicious and genuinely nutritious meals. I just no longer have the desire to eat rubbish. I have learned how to listen to my body and see what suits it and what doesn’t. This in itself has been hugely rewarding! Who knew that my previous arch-enemy spinach has me feeling clear and clean? Or that hot chips, even the big, not greasy, but hearty delicious looking ones make me feel like , well the opposite of clean and clear. Another great strategy I have learned is to stop rewarding myself with food. I have had a bad relationship with food for a number of years and as is often seen in our culture, used it as a way to fill up the hole in my heart (and belly). Now if I feel like a treat, or deserve to be rewarded, I do it with things which serve my holistic wellbeing, such as a long soak in the tub, or watching Bridesmaids for the billionth time, or even a five minute break to play with my gorgeous puppy. I now feel a thousands times better, and just like with my spirituality growth, I know that there is no going back to unhealthy eating habits, because you cannot unlearn the severe effects of sugar on your body, and I respect myself way too much to treat it like a dump.
I hope you are all well, and doing your own growing. I’d love to hear about it, so drop me a comment or send me an email, and as always, stay beautiful. xo
Jemma is a twenty year old, soon-to-be school teacher, who reads, writes and explores likes no one’s business. She has a blog where she review books, create videos and shares her soul thoughts. She lives in the country; right among nature’s breathtaking beauty, and you can follow her adventures on instagram.
Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/