When we love ourselves, we will have healthy boundaries.
In our world today, healthy boundaries are essentially unheard of. This is mostly due to the fact that we, as a culture, operate from a ‘victim/victor’ mentality. Meaning we have people in the world we consider to be downtrodden, less than, weak and incapable, mirrored by those who are heroic, strong, capable and here to serve.
This dynamic of the victim/victor is expressed in almost ALL relationships today. One is either the friend who is always falling apart, or the friend that everyone comes to for advice and support. One is either the high powered executive, or the entry level employee that can’t ever catch a break.
At its core, this dynamic we have created actually comes down to a misguided attempt at interdependency. We know we are meant to work WITH one another – in all forms of relationship from the child/care taker relationship all the way to the president and the people of his country relationship – we are just getting tripped up on the ‘how to’ part of this equation.
This is where healthy boundaries and self love come in.
You see, when we are living from a place of self love, we start to see where we are taking advantage of others as well as where we are requiring others to be less than us. We see where we are ‘taking’ the help and support of others in areas where we really do need to develop strength and independence, and where we are allowing others to take from us what they need to develop as a strength in order to protect them from pain/discomfort and or to give us a sense of purpose.
When we love ourselves, we do not need others, nor do we need to be needed. We are capable of asking for help where required in a way that serves to highlight the skills of others we don’t necessarily need to develop for ourselves – like hiring a graphic designer for your business when you have no interest in learning photoshop – and seeing that in this kind of scenario everyone who plays, wins. We are also capable of allowing others to work through their own struggles and battles – not offering rescue but instead offering loving support and belief that they are capable and will figure it out.
We are able to let others struggle to find their strength, we are able to see where we need to ask for assistance so as to promote independence and varied skills and where we need to develop skills from within.
This is true self love. Knowing what is our job, what is the job of others and what we can do together.
Where are you leaking your power to save others? Where are you demanding too much saving? Where can you find your own source of inner strength? Where can you allow others to find theirs? This is true self love and healthy boundaries.
Ali Washington is a Spiritual Guide, Life Coach, Reiki Master, Holistic Nutritionist and Yoga Teacher who is here to support light workers in finding their truth and living from that place.