In our long history together, I pledged an easy loyalty to fear. Fear was my appointed guardian from rejection, imminent disaster and humiliation. We had a deal: fear would keep me in today’s conditions, however dissatisfying, and I would not live up to my potential or reach for anything close to my dreams. I got good at hanging out in the ‘numb and pleasant’ zone for as long as I could subsist. In this state, I learned the acute torture of fearing success and failure, fear of who I really was and fear that I’d never be truly known. I was afraid to give my heart to an experience and afraid I’d never understand love.
Life has a brilliant way of course correcting. When mother nature as mama bird throws us from the nest, our only option is to fly. The wings move and we learn to stay in the air by virtue of our own strength. I find myself in one of those blessed moments now, as my heart opens and stretches further than I dreamed possible. Two sure-fire ways to live outside the comfort zone: date in your forties and own a business. With enough grace and humility, I promise one can become very familiar with the great state of uncomfortable and rise ever higher.
If you are the clever type that likes to take the easy route, here is a secret shortcut I will share: step up and get in the game of your life. Playing an active role in life is a less painful and more fun alternative than wasting the far more precious commodity of time.
Here is my short-list of tools in the fear-facing mission of a full life:
1. Faith – What we believe in is up to each one of us: the only requirement is to believe in something beyond our human limitations. Have it and use it.
2. Invest in a positive relationship with self – Start today, exactly as you are. This is the most valuable relationship with respect to fear.
3. Get a trusted power posse (aka circle of 5) – Cultivate relationships with five loving souls to share openly, who will listen without agenda and have the courage to tell the truth. Another key role of the power posse is to give and receive hugs. Hugs are invaluable assets in fear-facing missions.
4. Back all actions with meaningful intention – We cannot back down from the truth in our heart. Any step taken with the intention of living from the heart’s truth is a winning action. This is the place where our courage thrives.
5. Tenacity – Sign on for a lifetime membership to the ‘no matter what’ club. Agree to show up no matter what. Showing up is 90% of our work.
Believe in LOVE and Believe in FEAR.
LOVE is the truth. FEAR is a false illusion we have created to protect ourselves from what we believe we must avoid. Faith grows from the fertile soil of fear. Fear can facilitate our freedom as we face the very fear we’ve held dearly. The more faith we can place in love, the more strength and ability we have to heal ourselves…and thereby serve our purpose.
As a postscript, note that at no point is eradicating fear required to win at life. Compassion – for us and for others – is. We do not develop courage by waiting. Necessary courage is discovered at the point that we take the big and small leaps.
I’ll see you all in the game.
Chris, also known as the JOYConnector, serves as a transformational coach and a multidimensional healer to women, men and organizations. Her 20 years of corporate leadership experience of developing, coaching and facilitating organizations and their leadership to greater success and awareness shaped her learning models. Her intuitive experience began in childhood, and she continues to cultivate and honor her gifts as a medium and healer daily. She finds great joy as an artist: dancing, singing, acting, and creating. In 2010 Chris started her NYC-based dance project – Red Shoes Dance Company – to share the healing joy of dance and movement with people of all ages.
Chris founded her NYC-based holistic healing organization Joy Connector in 2015. Chris’s work is helping others discover more JOY and freedom in the pain and growth of our lives through Spiritual Advisement.
YouTube: Channel – Chris McClellan