Our romantic relationship isn’t so different to our favourite pair of stilettos. Really!
If the heel breaks off your stiletto, whom do you blame? The manufacturer, the shop owner who sold you the pretty shoes in the first place, the guy on the street who just happened to look your way as you went flying booty over tit into a rose bush.
Anyone…. but yourself!
Yet, chances are you didn’t look after your stilettos with as much care as you could have, did you?
Perhaps you ran too many gonna-miss-the-bus marathons in them.
Maybe you left them out where your poodle Snooky could have a little nibble.
It’s so easy to blame the other person when our relationship no longer looks as shiny and new as it once did.
I’ve done it.
I’m sure you’ve probably done it at some point in your life; blame the cad who forgot to take out the bins.
Very rarely do we look at the role we played in our relationship busting at the seams.
I know you’ve heard it before, but: It takes two to tango.
Really, it does!
While it may seem hard to believe right now, a low self-confidence is to blame for the coming undone of any relationship.
How can that be?
Because a person with a low self esteem is often needy, whiney, insecure, doubts themselves, self-sabotages, directs blame externally as opposed to taking personal responsibility, has a LOT of excuses and generally isn’t comfy in who they are.
What happens when you build self-confidence?
For one, you stop doubting yourself.
When you build self-confidence you believe in yourself enough to speak your truth.
You see, if a person lacks confidence it can lead to a fear of the other person leaving.
If you fear your partner leaving, you’re more likely to hide your true feelings and concerns in order not to rock the boat.
You don’t want you partner to walk out on you now, do you?
Yet this lack of authenticity breeds contempt, resentment and hostility towards yourself and your partner.
When you build self-confidence suddenly you see your own worth, and you know that if your partner was to leave that you’d be ok.
Sad, but ok.
But that’s not all.
When you build self-confidence your partner is more attracted to you.
Who doesn’t want to be with someone who is 100% happy in who they are, who is satisfied in life and who is a joy to be around because they know and appreciate all of themselves?
At the opposite end of the spectrum, a person with low confidence is more likely to inflict their insecurities on their partner.
If you feel down about your body shape, you will unconsciously sabotage your relationship and make innocent things your partner says into gigantic problems.
Build self-confidence and see how your relationship flourishes.
Relationships start with YOU.
Don’t wait for your partner to change.
Bring the focus back to YOU and build self-confidence.
Give yourself the time and energy to build self–confidence and not only will you feel better in your own skin, your relationship with become more authentic, more happy and loving.
Tamra Mercieca is a Relationship Therapist, Author and founder of the company Getting Naked Pty Ltd where they strip back the layers mentally to help people clear the barriers stopping them loving life. Tamra has her own Sex Column in Nature and Health magazine and can be seen regularly on Channel 7’s The Morning Show and Sunrise sharing tips on how to enjoy nourishing and transparent relationships.