Never in my life have a met a bigger liar than myself, which is a pretty bold statement, considering that I can’t think of the last time I actually told someone a lie. Well, that statement isn’t fully accurate. Actually, it’s a lie…ugh! What I should’ve said was that I can’t think of the last time I actually told someone not named AJ a lie, because to be honest, I lie to myself ALL THE TIME!
I lie when I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and tell myself that I’m fat and out of shape. I lie when I think of an exciting new idea, but convince myself that people will think it’s stupid or that I’m not creative enough to see it through to something tangible. I lie when I see people having a great time on social media and tell myself I’m just not as much fun as them or I would’ve been invited along.
We all lie to ourselves every day without even realizing it and those lies, over time, start to chip away at who we are and block us from becoming who we were created to be. It’s time we break some unhealthy habits and replace them with new ones, so let’s start with this whole lying thing. Here are 3 simple ways we can all get to work today to start to revealing our truest, most authentic selves.
1. Pay attention: If you’re anything like me, you’re probably great at noticing and maybe even calling out those around you whenever you catch them in what you perceive to be a lie. Constantly correcting others is a great way of validating our own inner belief systems and making each of us feel more comfortable existing in our own lies, but it benefits no one.
So, the next time you feel like calling someone out on their lie, try staying quiet and asking yourself what about that lie is hitting a nerve inside you. More often than not, the lie is a reflection of something within you that you’re unhappy with or unwilling to address. So, ADDRESS IT. By simply taking a moment to process your emotions and asking WHY from time to time, you will start to find more clarity on your own negative self-talk.
2. Change your language: My best friend once said to me that on my worst day, I would not say a fraction of the things to my worst enemy that I say to and about myself in any given moment. My negative self-talk was BAD and she was 1,000 percent correct. Also, she’s a licensed therapist, so when she speaks…I LISTEN.
In order to fix this, you can take the same approach as me. Don’t say negative things about yourself or about others. This can be difficult, but if you really pay attention and focus on speaking uplifting words into yourself and others, your life will begin to change and the negative self-talk will diminish.
3. Show yourself some grace: This last one was huge for me, but so important. In some areas, we’re all successful mature adults, but in others, we’re still stuck in a childlike mentality. When it comes to negative self-talk, many of us tend to be stuck without even knowing it, so we make mistakes that damage our lives, even though that was never our intention.
If you start paying attention and adjust your language, your life will improve, but it won’t be instant and the work will never end. That also means you will fall short from time to time and I’m here to tell you…THAT’S OK. Show yourself some grace in those moments, give yourself a hug and try to do better the next time, because there will be a next time.
You are loved, you are special and you will make many mistakes in your life. The trick is learning from those mistakes, adjusting and actively choosing to speak truth into your daily life. If you can do that, the sky’s the limit for your happiness and there is nothing more authentic than a life well lived.
AJ Gibson is a Los Angeles based TV Host, Speaker, Perspective Coach and Author of Flipping the Script: Bouncing Back From Life’s Rock Bottom Moments. You may recognize him from shows like Hollywood Today Live, Access Live and The Wendy Williams Show or from some of Hollywood’s biggest red carpets, such as The Golden Globes or the Billboard Music Awards. Follow him on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.